Stitching Together the Red, Black, Green and Rainbow Flags

by Kimya Afi Ayodele, BSSW, LMSW, ACSW

Now, make no mistake about it; I am also a short, fat (yes, I said it, because I embrace the wonderfully bold truth of the word), dark skinned, wide nosed, nappy headed (I said that, too), mother, daughter, sister, and aunt and African Lesbian who loves and lives in America. I have been told that I have what is now being “nicely” termed “multiple identities” or “not-so-nicely” termed, “triple jeopardy.” I am equally proud of all these attributes, characteristics and roles and, thankfully, I am not alone. This world is full of folks whose folks hail from the motherland who also have such multiple identities. But, what are we to do when we are either directly or indirectly asked to choose one? Which part of our self comes first? Which part of our self do we fight for when confronted with an act that hurts or attempts to destroy one of our selves?

I have had the misfortune, or the fortune, to be fired from a job for being an “out” Lesbian, as well as being fired for what I strongly believe was a result of my being an “out” (translated here to mean: strong) African woman. The first organization consisted of employees from many different ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Many of them would, very frequently, proudly announce to me that they did not see me as a Lesbian when they interacted with me. They were so proud of themselves. They truly believed that they had arrived at being accepting of “those gays”. But, I did not want that. Being a lover of women is a part of me. It is a part of my life. I did not want this very important part of who I am to be overlooked. I wanted to stand at the proverbial office water cooler and talk about what my woman and I did over the weekend, too. I wanted to be able to have photos of my woman on my desk. That is exactly what I did and that is exactly why I was fired. The second organization was a TBLG (Transgender, Bi-attractional, Lesbian & Gay) community center with predominately white employees. You guessed it, many of these individuals would, also quite frequently and proudly, announce that they did not see a color when they looked at me. They, too, were quite pleased with themselves at having arrived at the gates of “colorblindness.” However, I did not want this either. How could they not see my “African-ness?” It is an inherent part of me. It is in my belief system, in my regal stride and often times, in my attire. It was even more upsetting and infuriating when they would add, “we are all in this together . . . fighting for our gay civil rights.”

I contend that we as TBLG/SGL (same gender loving) Africans need to insist through our words, and by example through our actions, that we are not to be divided up and dissected into comfortably digestible pieces for anyone. We need to demand this. We need to expect that we not be disrespected and disregarded this way. We need to live this way. We need to live as the wholly, and holy, people of greatness that we are.

I would like to advocate that we TBLG/SGL people of African descent, African American, black or however we choose to culturally and ethnically identify, immediately begin to completely embrace ALL of ourselves, stitching together our own panels from these flags, with equal importance and commitment, and that we do so . . . now and every day of our lives. There is no better time. We live in the second most segregated state of these “united” states and in the most segregated city in this segregated state. We now live in the second state to eradicate Affirmative Action. We live in a state that does not legally protect us in our places of employment when we are discriminated against for whom we choose to love and receive love from. Most of us reside in a city headed by folks whose folks also hail from the motherland, but who would rather see us bullied, sexually assaulted, murdered or victims of our own malcontent and self hatred, than embrace us. We are living in a time of serious decision. There is no better time. Now is the time; it’s quilting time.

Kimya, a past life time city of Detroit resident, currently lives in Ann Arbor, MI with her 12 year old daughter Abeni. She works on her quilt everyday. How about you?